It's been so long since I last wrote here. I kept thinking, "who in the world wants to read anything about me?"
But I believe it'll keep my writing senses sharpened and someday someone might stumble upon one of my experiences and it'll help them through one of their own.
Today I've been dealing with several things. Actually, I've been dealing with some of this for more than a year. Being 35 and a woman, lots of things have changed. My body is "acting up" & I'm unable to do things like I used to (ie: DJing with mario until the wee hours of the morning and leaping out of bed cheerfully the next day....yeah, ok maybe not cheerfully). My emotions are just, to put it plainly, wacky most of the time.
I feel like I know less now of what I want to do in life than I did when I was 25. My career is not what I thought it'd be, I have no children, I am not rich nor am I famous. Haha!
I am, however, happily married to a talented and delightful man. I have decided to take the LSAT to see if I can get into law school. I no longer care that I'm not using my Bachelor's degree. I am content with our home, though it needs much TLC.
My immediate family no longer lives near us and I'm torn by this. I'm happy that they're safe, pursuing what's best for them. But I miss them terribly. I'm less dependent on them for things like baked goods and yummy dinners. I miss spending Sunday afternoons at their house. *Sigh*
I'm worried that I'm not a good enough friend, that I haven't enough to give. At the same time, I know that I don't and that the Lord has to provide for my friends & family, not me. But I am pursued by guilt if I miss a call or say the wrong thing.
I am not managing my time well enough since I no longer have a "day job". I should be studying and I vacuum the floors instead. I should be doing laundry and I'm studying instead. The only thing I do on time and well is teaching private music lessons. Or being an Emcee at weddings and helping Mario with his DJ company. And right now I'm tired of doing all of that. I want to sit on my couch and read and eat bon-bons all day.
I'm frustrated with the changes in my body. Gaining weight (although now it seems I'm a "normal person" size), feeling overly slothful.....
Missing church because we were DJing or traveling. That's something I never did until this past year.
These are the things pressing on my mind and swirling in my heart this week. It's a good thing that I read "He who began a good work in you, is faithful to complete it". Phillipians 1:6
