Tuesday, June 21, 2011

And still waiting...

I have 8 more days until I can find out my LSAT score.  It's so hard for me because I want to plan my fall routine already.  What if, what if, what if?????  I want to know my score so that I can apply for scholarships and know how much I'll get.  I want to know if I'm going to be able to attend this coming semester or if I did more poorly than I thought and have to retake the exam or choose another goal.  I want to know if I'll have to start warning my students that they have to find another teacher in the fall.  Start picking which ones I'll keep, if in fact, I'll be able to keep any at all.  Sigh.  Patience, dear self.

I'm really enjoying my teaching schedule and that the Lord has been truly blessing our DJ business more than ever.  We are booked and busy.  It's overwhelming at times but so worth it.

While I'm waiting for my answers, I'll just keep working and persevering and praying.  It's going to be awesome, whatever the Lord has in store!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Harold the Third

In 1975, he was only twenty years old and had been married to the love of his life for just about 11 months.  The weather was bitterly cold and hurricane-strength winds tore through town, driving sharp daggers of rain against windows and everyone was battening down the hatches for the storm of the century.  He was driving a red station wagon toward their little mobile home trailer just outside of downtown Sault Sainte Marie, Michigan.  But his thoughts were focused on his beautiful young wife and brand new baby back at the hospital in town.

The young couple had met at church the previous year and for him, it was love at first sight.  She was blonde, blue-eyed and tan just graduating from high school that year.  He was already in college and the moment he saw her, he thought “she’s the one for me”.  When she agreed to accompany him to a youth group meeting he was pretty excited.  Subsequent group dates moved things along quickly for them and after only a few weeks they were engaged to be married.  Their wedding was a smaller family affair at the church where they met.  After honeymooning in Florida, they came home and he finished out his last semester at college.  After college, he and his cute little wife moved to the town in Michigan’s upper peninsula where he had spent much of his life.  Sault Sainte Marie had a floral greenhouse where he planned to work to gain experience in his chosen field and since milk delivery was still common in that area, he also ran a milk route.

As he drove through town in the pouring rain, the wind whipping all around him, he remembered the day she told him there was going to be an addition to their little family.  He was ecstatic and just a little bit nervous all rolled into one.  As the oldest of six children, he knew the heavy responsibility that came with parenthood.  He’d seen his parents work hard to provide for their family and he had great respect for such an important role.

His wife wore her pregnancy well, often getting whistled at by passers-by until she turned around and showed off her bulging belly.  He was glad that they still spent time together studying God’s Word and believed that what had happened at the hospital the past 24 hours was going to be made good through the Lord’s compassionate plan.  She had begun having contractions the day before and the labor pains really picked up speed around ten p.m.  After checking in at the hospital, he got her all settled and then went to call their parents, letting them know “it’s time”.  He also paused and prayed over her and their, as yet, unborn child.

Eighteen hours later and the baby still wasn’t born.  Now things were getting intense and the hospital staff was worried about his wife and his baby.  At practically the very last moment, when he could already see the baby’s head, they could no longer hear the baby’s heartbeat and recommended that an emergency C-section be performed immediately.  Around 6 in the evening he prayed for his precious wife as they took her away.  Calling their families again, he requested prayer support.  Shortly after he had returned to the waiting room a nurse came out and told him that although there had indeed been some serious complications, everything was fine. The baby was a 9 pound 12 ounce girl!!  They would perform a few tests on both Mama and baby now, during which he should go home and get some rest.

So there he was, driving through town in the middle of a virtual hurricane in total awe and wonder at the goodness of the Lord.  He knew that their prayers had availed much and prevented the labor and birth complications from becoming lasting issues.  Stopping at a little drive-in hamburger joint on the way home, he parked the station wagon facing the mouth of the river.  The gales of November were blustering and billowing all around.  As he munched on his burger and mused about the miracles he just witnessed, he felt the car shake mightily and the rear end of the car begin to lift off of the ground.  Eyes wide open, he watched the river bank approach at an unnatural angle toward his windshield.  And then, as quickly as it had lifted him, the wind whirled away and dropped his car back in its spot.  Thanking the Lord for yet another miracle, he pulled out of the parking lot to rush home and check on their little house.

While his wife and baby girl were being tested and treated, he found his home being battered by the storm.  With the living room windows blown out, he had no choice but to prop their mattress up against the elements and do his best to clean up the mess it had made.  After mopping up the place, he got a change of clothes and headed back to the hospital.  When he got back, things had settled down around his exhausted wife and the nurse was able to bring the baby in to them.  The new mother held her not-so-tiny baby and cooed over her.  He knew that because of the medications she wouldn’t remember much about it later but he stored that precious moment in his memory banks for her.  And then he took his baby girl in his arms for the first time.  And for the second time in his life, it was love at first sight.

Years later, when their second daughter was born and whisked away to a different hospital’s neo-natal intensive care, he would remember God’s faithfulness at the birth of this first child and he knew that placing his trust in God was his only choice.  He decided that he would trust God and that has become his legacy to both of his girls.  As he and his wife raised their miracle children, they chose to honor God, to trust Him and to defer to His Word in every instance. 

The girls watched their father work hard in the family business to care for them and the oldest daughter has determined to take the lessons she learned from him and apply them in her own life.  She is amazed at the amount of patience he had with her when she was a teenager, trying out her wings.  She remembers his strength and steadfastness when she was hit by a car at the age of fifteen.  Her Dad is hilarious, trustworthy, full of integrity and not easily provoked.  His love for all things musical brought a unity to their family from the time the girls were small.  They all enjoy playing and singing together for the glory of God.  He is a strong Christian and was always spiritually and physically protective of all three of his “girls”.  He has extended that protectiveness to his sons-in-law and to his three grandchildren.

His business associates respect him; he always has creative ideas and a dream in his heart.  He encourages everyone around him to seek the Lord and willingly prays with and ministers to people.  He builds up and doesn’t tear down.  He dreams big and hopes much.  His beliefs are rock solid and even when challenged through adversity, he still stands strong.  His wife loves him deeply and his children and grandchildren call him blessed.

Happy Father’s Day, Daddy!  Love, Chopper

Note:  Some non-essential creative liberties were taken with this story.  For example, whether any mopping up of the little mobile home actually occured that day.  All the rest is true.

Miscellany

WARNING:  this is a long one...

This past Monday I was on voice rest & really should have been on voice rest Tuesday & yesterday too.  I'm supposed to sing a solo on Sunday for Father's Day and don't think that's going to happen.  I thought I would write a little story to read instead, maybe I'll try it out here first.

I'm not sick, it's just these allergies.  Every spring I experience a little bit of seasonal asthma and some sinus issues but I don't always lose my voice because of it.  Other than not being able to talk and feeling like someone's sitting on my chest from time to time, I really feel great.

So, I was glad to be able to go to Stoney Creek yesterday with Mario.  I'm tired of my body being this size - I'm the biggest I've ever been - and tired of being lethargic.  So I committed to doing something every day that's active, whether it's a little bit or a lot.  Yesterday it was a lot.  We rode our bikes for 15 minutes or so in one direction at the park.  As we were riding I was thinking "this is great.  We're going so fast!"  Normally when I'm in an out of control situation like that, I'm terrified that something is going to happen to cause me great bodily harm.  Probably a result of being hit by a car when I was 15.  But this time, I thought of all the things that might happen as my bike picked up speed and instead of braking, I decided I didn't care.  "This is really cool!"  And then I remembered that I'd be having to go back up that hill on the way back to the truck.  Mind you, this is a gradual hill, not a steep one.  Yet we are both so incredibly out of shape, it might as well have been Mount Everest.

Thankfully that was about the same time that I looked back at Mario & he said, "let's turn around".  So, we turned around and began the uphill climb.  I'm not usually very competitive but because I've been so hard on myself lately about my body, I determined I wasn't going to walk my bike up but I was going to show myself & Mario how amazing I am by riding all the way.  Hahahaha, yeah.

I got nearly all the way up but my leg muscles were practically audibly screaming at me.  "Oh gosh, fine", I told my legs and got off the bike.  Stretching as I waited until Mario rounded the curve in the path below me, I struggled with being embarrassed that I'd ridden so little and was already so out of breath and sore.  Then I decided that I was wasting too much energy on those thoughts and began walking upward. 

When I arrived at the top of the hill, I waited a bit but got a little concerned that I'd left Mario behind and because I know he's out of shape too, I decided to circle back around and ride back up the tiny remainder of the hill closer to him.  And I did it!  After we arrived back at our truck, I stretched and drank some water.  It was so peaceful at the park and I told Mario, "let's make that hill our challenge.  We'll come back to the same spot until we can both ride back up that hill without trouble."  He agreed and I'm so proud of our new beginning.

As we drove out of the park, I saw a young woman -  probably early twenties - pushing a jogging stroller.  Yes, she could have been a nanny & not just a young mother but I turned to my sweet husband and said, "I'm glad I'm going to law school because I'd really like to have a baby and this will distract me from us not having one".  He responded, "we'll have a baby, honey.  I know we will."  He's been so strong about his belief.  He received an encouraging promise from the Lord through a preacher about 2 years ago.  That was "Jacob's promise is for you too".  A few weeks ago, I was ready to throw in the towel.  I was frustrated and didn't even know what "Jacob's promise" was.  So, we looked it up in Genesis chapter 25.  And I told Mario, "well, this one is all you babe.  I need you to lead me on this because I didn't get to hear the word myself and because I wasn't there, I'm going to trust God's Word through you on this."  And I have been working on that faith.  I don't want to be in emotional distress about it but we have been "not preventing" pregnancy for the past 5 years.  I have been blessed in that I'm not a crying heap every month when I discover once again that I'm not pregnant.  I've been able to truly celebrate with every one of my friends as they've been able to make that precious announcement.

I was talking to one of my friends at church who, by the way, has 6 children.  I am close to most of her kids and love them very dearly.  I told her that "I wish I had someone nearby to talk to about this".  Honestly, it's kind of funny because every time I find someone who is experiencing the same thing Mario & I commit to pray for them.  And I promise, out of probably 10 couples the past 2 or 3 years all but two have become pregnant and had children.  That's AWESOME!!!  How cool is that?  Now, it's our turn.  I pray. 

Well, enough is enough.  I'll have to turn the creative juices on to prepare some sort of "special" for Father's Day at church.  Have a blessed day!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

LSAT completed

I completed the LSAT exam this past Monday, 6/6/11.  It was a grueling 4 hours long but overall, I feel good about it.  I will find out the score on 6/29.  Until then....*thumbs twiddling*

Not much else to report this week except that I'm still getting used to only teaching music lessons and not having another day job.  It's so weird to not have to wake up to an alarm.  I love it, that's true but it's awfully weird.

I really need to get myself in gear though and exercise every day.  My body is tired and it is getting larger every day.  I can't stand that so, while keeping myself in check so I don't revisit the anorexic routine, I'll need to get off my slothful rear end and get myself a'movin'...

Starting tomorrow.  I plan to get up and take a bike ride or at least take a walk around the block a few times.  This is my only goal this week.  Well, not really.  But it's the most important goal.

More later this week...

Friday, June 3, 2011

Cheerier

Having re-read the past two posts I have determined not to be "debby downer" so much. Haha! Sheesh.


"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to You, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer."  Psalm 19:14

Now, I could take that Scripture and think that I should be super optimistic and cheerful all the time in everything I say and think.  And being that "a merry heart does good like a medicine" (Prov 17:22), I believe that's a good goal.  However, I know that God desires an honest and willing heart more than anything.  So, if I'm struggling with something, brushing it under the rug, pretending I've got it all together, what glory does that give to God?  Instead if I'm honest (with a bit of caution mixed in) during my experiences, how much more might that help someone out there?  We need to know we're not alone, that there is an answer (Jesus).  There is a peace for our wounded souls, our anxious hearts (Jesus).  There is a joy that wells up from deep inside during both the dark and bright times (Jesus).  There is a full and final forgiveness, grace that flows over us every moment of every day covering all our flaws. There is a loving Father who is not waiting for my next mistake to point it out and say "see, you are worthless, you are hopeless."  No, He is a gentle, compassionate God who's Holy Spirit fills my every fiber with His peace, His calm, His assurance when I have nothing left and whenever I choose to let Him do that.

Yesterday the sun was shining, it was not super hot and I got to teach 5 music lessons. The last one, Bella, is so precious.  Well, they're all precious actually in their own unique ways.  But Bella told me that she loves me so much because I "have so much patience with [her] when [she] doesn't understand and is so calm to help [her] learn new things".  It blessed my heart to hear that.  Made all the frustrations melt away and made my heart smile.

In the afternoon, my friend Carrie came by with her 8 1/2 month son and had lunch with us.  Brendan just loved on me and I adored holding him and rocking him to sleep.  In the evening, we spent time with friends Nate & Eliza with their two toddler sons and their youngest just followed me around all night.  Blessed my little heart so much.  Then we played Jump-In Uno, which I'm so slow at it's hilarious.  We laughed a lot and it was good for my soul.

Today will be LSAT study day.  I'll take the test on Monday afternoon and am having only a few nervous moments about it.  I keep remembering that I'm going back to law school because I want to, not because I have to.  I really believe that I have a purpose in that field and am really looking forward to it.

I spent the night nervous about an upcoming meeting with friends of ours.  We're doing their wedding on 7/2 but have discovered that we're also booked to do another friend's wedding that same day.  I'm sure it's not going to be a big deal.  I'll do the 1st couple's wedding with one of our other DJs and Mario will do the other one but I just hate disappointing people.  It is what it is, though, and both weddings will be awesome anyway.

I did take some medicine today to help calm my thoughts which were going in an uncontrollable cycle and I feel a little bit weak-minded every time I feel the need to take it.   But I believe that the Lord has helped me by leading me in that direction.  I don't take the medication regularly, always talk to Mario before I take one so that we can discuss why I'm taking it.  That way we make sure that I'm  not taking too much, too often and that we can cover whatever's going on with me in prayer.  I am grateful for a husband who cares for me that way.

I will sign off for today and hope the my words and thoughts glorify the Lord all day and all weekend.

Today the sun is shining, it's not super hot and I am going to enjoy studying.  What a good girl am I.  Signing off...be blessed and let His grace cover you today.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Not out of sorts...much

So, my dear friend Jessie, said that I seemed out of sorts in the last blog and I suppose she's right.  It didn't bother me that I came across like that.  Well, honestly, it did a little bit because I want everyone to be happy with me, with how I'm doing, with how I'm affecting them at all times.  Turns out that's unrealistic.
Lately I've been learning that it's okay to give myself a break.  To allow myself to "feel" what I'm feeling as long as I'm not creating drama for someone else.  If I catch myself creating drama in someone else's life, then I know it's time to crawl back under my rock and wait for a better time. *picturing that made me chuckle*
It's okay that I don't accomplish everything on my list for today.  It's fine that I say "no" to an invite or two.  It's all right that I left dishes to do for tomorrow.  It's going to be okay if I decide not to go to law school in August after all.
I just don't want whatever I'm dealing with psychologically and personally to affect those around me.  I don't want to disappoint anyone or hurt them in any way.  But I'm often overwhelmed and sometimes even randomly feel like bursting into tears.  I don't want to answer my phone, I don't want to talk to anyone.  But sometimes I force myself to do it out of a sense of duty.  And then I feel bad that I felt it was a duty and that I should care more about people than about how I'm feeling.  Endless cycle...
Still, no matter what my body & mind are doing I have this incredible sense of peace and that I'm being cared for.  I'm not just saying this because I know you're reading it, but because I honestly know that I'm in the palm of Jesus my Savior's hand and I know that the plans He has for me are for my good (Jer. 29:11).  I sense His deep love for me through all of this and that lessens the imagined greatness of this burden to its rightful, puny, overcome-able size.  Thank You, Lord!
I had Mario pray over me tonight that I will actually and really let go of my personal plans and timeline.  Tonight I was ready to give up on some things I've been wanting for a long time (and it is not because of some very cool news I heard from a close friend though she may think so while reading this).  Tonight I feel like I can let go of it without giving up on it.  For months I've been unable to make that distinction, so that's why I had Mario pray over me. 
I'm moving on in my life, making choices to move out of this rut I've been in.  Focusing no longer on what I'm missing but rather on what's next in the exciting world God has put me in.  For I know that Mario & I touch lives that are on the edge, that need to know the meaning of Grace, that need to understand His deep love for each of us as individuals.  It's a message that only I can share and I want a renewed fire to share it.  This alone makes my little issues piddly.  So, tonight I choose to focus not on fatigue, weariness, disappoint and anxiety.  I choose God's victorious life, His grace over me, and His love through me.